分手后该不该扔掉旧情人的信物呢（分手后该不该扔掉旧情人的信物给他）

　　When Pamela Seow broke up with her boyfriend a few years ago, she cut up his photos, shredded his love letters and threw away almost every gift and piece of clothing he had given her, including 'a bag that looked like a dead rooster.' 　　几年前帕梅拉·萧(Pamela Seow)和男友分手时，她剪碎了男友的照片，撕碎了男友给她写的情书，几乎扔掉了男友送给她的所有礼物和衣服，包括一个看起来像只死公鸡的手袋。 　　'If it's over, it's over,' says the 28-year-old marketing representative. 'I don't believe in holding on to a lost cause.' 　　28岁的萧是个营销代表。她说，结束了就是结束了，我认为注定无果的事就不要再去坚持了。 　　Still, Ms. Seow made one exception to her purge: She hung on to Doggy, a stuffed animal given to her by her former partner that she likes to cuddle when she sleeps. 'It's really more out of habit than for sentimental reasons,' she says. 　　不过，有一样东西萧没有扔掉：她留下了狗狗──她的前男友送的毛绒玩具，她喜欢睡觉时抱着它。萧说，这真的更多的是出于习惯，而不是感情上的原因。 　　What do you do with the detritus of a former relationship? Torch everything? Sell the diamonds? Squirrel away the love letters and photos in the attic? 　　你会怎样处理上次感情经历留下的东西？把一切付之一炬？把钻石卖掉？把情书和照片藏到阁楼里？ 　　The decision can be complicated, depending not just on the amount of hurt and anger you have coming out of the relationship, but also on how practical and forward-thinking you are. 　　可能很难做出决定，这不仅取决于你分手后受到的伤害和感到的愤怒，还取决于你有多实际、多么能向前看。 　　Take Ms. Seow, who lives in Singapore. She tossed out the physical remnants of her last relationship because she doesn't want to have to explain to a future boyfriend why she kept mementos from a previous one. 'And a woman needs all the closet space she can get,' she says. 　　以住在新加坡的萧为例。她扔掉了上次感情经历留下的东西，因为她不想今后必须向未来的男友解释她为什么要保存前男友的纪念物。她说，而且女人需要任何可以腾出来的壁橱空间。 　　Go ahead and ask your friends what they get rid of when a relationship ends. You'll learn a lot about them, I promise. I asked, and one of my close pals told me of a favorite chair he and his ex spent a fair amount of time in -- together, if you know what I mean. After the breakup, he carted it to the curb. 'You can't keep flipping the cushions every time a new person comes along,' he says. 　　问问你的朋友，他们在分手后会扔掉什么东西。我敢说，你能从中了解到朋友的很多方面。我问了朋友，我最亲密的朋友之一告诉我说，他丢掉了一把自己非常喜欢的沙发椅，他和前女友曾在这张椅子上共度了很多时光。分手后，他用推车把椅子推到了路边。他说，你总不能在每次来新人的时候都把椅垫翻过来。 　　I've since talked to people who have sent sheets, pillows and mattresses off to Goodwill, tossed spices that reminded them of favorite recipes cooked with an ex and burned the plants a former lover left behind. 　　通过和朋友的谈话，我知道有人把床单、枕头和床垫送给了慈善机构，扔掉调味料，因为这会让他们回想起和前男（女）友一起做的喜欢的菜色，烧掉前男（女）友留下的绿色植物。 　　Some people even make a ritual of the eradication. 'It's a physical or magical way of trying to get rid of bad feelings and bad memories,' says Elyse Goldstein, a psychologist with a private practice in Manhattan. 'It's minimizing the importance of the person, as if to say, 'I'm throwing you in the trash.'' 　　有些人甚至会为此举行一个仪式。曼哈顿一家私人诊所的心理医生爱丽舍·戈尔茨坦(Elyse Goldstein)说，这是一种试图抹去不好感觉和记忆的实际方法，甚至可以说是神奇的方法，这样做会把那个人的重要性降到最小，就好像是在说，我把你扔进了垃圾箱。 　　After Liz Garcia caught her live-in boyfriend cheating on her a year ago, she kicked him out, invited her friends over and built a bonfire, she said in an email interview. 　　莉斯·加西亚(Liz Garcia)通过电子邮件接受采访时说，一年前，当她发现同居男友劈腿后，她把他赶了出去，把朋友请过来，在外面点了堆火。 　　Into the flames, she tossed everything that reminded her of her ex -- the golf bag and Xbox he'd left behind, the CDs, DVDs and books they'd bought together, and all of the stuffed animals and clothes he'd given to her. As a final offering, she threw the framed San Diego Chargers jersey her ex had cherished into the fire. 'It was therapeutic,' says Ms. Garcia, 30, a waitress in Los Angeles. 　　她把能让她想起前男友的东西都扔到了火里，有前男友留下的高尔夫球袋和Xbox游戏机，还有他们一起买的CD、DVD和书，以及他送的所有毛绒玩具和衣服。最后一样扔进火堆的东西是前男友最宝贝的、镶在镜框里的圣地亚哥电光队的球衣。30岁的加西亚在洛杉矶当女侍应。她说，这样做有疗伤作用。 　　Laura Haushalter got her short-haired pointer, Briar, to help her dispose of a teddy bear that played a recording of her ex-boyfriend saying, 'I love you.' She played tug-of-war with the dog until the stuffed animal started falling apart. 　　劳拉·豪沙尔特(Laura Haushalter)的短毛猎犬布赖尔(Briar)帮她处理掉了前男友送的泰迪熊，这个泰迪熊可以播放前男友录下来的我爱你的话。她和布赖尔玩拔河，直到毛绒玩具开始四分五裂。 　　Then she pulled out the bear's voice box, attempted to crush it with her shoe and ultimately ran it over with her car. 'The voice was gone and with it, resolution achieved,' says Ms. Haushalter, 27, an analyst for the federal government in Washington. 　　然后，她把泰迪熊里的发声盒拔了出来，想用鞋子把盒子踩烂，不过最后还是开车碾过去才算了事。27岁的豪沙尔特是华盛顿联邦政府的一位分析人员。她说，录音没了，我的决心也随之达成了。 　　Even as some people go to extremes to rid themselves of anything that reminds them of their exes, others stubbornly cling to items, sometimes despite the associations. 　　就在有些人不遗余力地把任何能让他们回忆起前男（女）友的东西都处理掉时，却有人固执地抓住不放，有时甚至不顾东西引发的联想。 　　A friend of mine still carries the leather wallet his ex-girlfriend gave him several years ago. 'Why spend money on something when you already have a perfectly good one?' he says. 　　我的一个朋友仍在用前女友几年前送给他的皮夹子。他说，当你已经有一个很好的东西时，为什么还要再花钱去买呢？ 　　Allison Soltani, 31, of Great Neck, N.Y., kept the Louis Vuitton bag an ex bought her. Val Valentine, 65, of Huntington Beach, Calif., hung on to a photo of his ex-wife taken with the actor Telly Savalas in the early 1980s. Stephen Doty, 48, of Salem, Mass., left his ex-girlfriend's birth control on a shelf in the bathroom. And Kindra Hall, 29, of Phoenix, saved the black-lace panties with a hot-pink bow she bought to impress her college boyfriend. 　　31岁的艾莉森·苏坦尼(Allison Soltani)住在纽约州格雷特内克，她仍保留着前男友送的LV包。加州杭廷顿滩的瓦尔·瓦伦丁(Val Valentine)今年65岁，他仍留着80年代初前妻和男影星特利·萨瓦拉斯(Telly Savalas)的合影。48岁的史蒂芬·托蒂(Stephen Doty)住在马萨诸塞州塞勒姆，在浴室的架子上仍放着前女友的避孕药。凤凰城的金德拉·霍尔(Kindra Hall)今年29岁，仍留着从前买来诱惑大学男友的带粉红色蝴蝶结的黑色蕾丝内裤。 　　This, of course, begs the question: Should you keep the lingerie? It seems creepy to me. 　　这当然让人不禁会问：是否应该保留内衣？我觉得这有些怪怪的。 　　And what about all that other stuff? OK, the bed may be too unwieldy or expensive to replace. But why do we keep so many other objects that remind us of something that is painful, bittersweet or, at the very least, simply over? 　　其他东西呢？好吧，换张床可能太费事或太贵了。但是为什么要保留其他那么多让我们回想起象征着痛苦经历、酸甜苦辣或仅仅已经结束的关系的物品。 　　Here's why: 　　有以下几个原因： 　　--We're trying to hang on to our personal narrative. Like Dennis Martinez, who keeps a box of photos of previous girlfriends, as well as all the cards and letters they sent him. 　　--我们试图保留自己的个人故事。就象丹尼斯·马丁内斯(Dennis Martinez)一样，他保留了一箱子历任女友的照片，还有她们送的全部卡片和信。 　　'One day my grandchildren might think their granddad is old and lame, until I bust out the dusty box of old flings,' says Mr. Martinez, 28, who works at an insurer in New York. 　　28岁的马丁内斯是纽约一家保险公司职员。他说，有一天，我的孙子可能会想，他们的祖父又老又平庸，直到我把满是灰尘的、显示我当年勇的东西拿出来给他们看。 　　--The item is actually worth something. A friend of mine has kept nude photos of an ex taken by a well-known photographer for more than a decade, hoping they will increase in value. And Jackie Gray, 45, who runs a department for a consulting firm in Arlington Heights, Ill., has been hanging on to a painting by an up-and-coming artist that her ex-husband gave her, despite hating it.' Who knows, it might pay a semester of my daughter's college one day,' she says. 　　--东西实际上有些价值。我的一个朋友已经把一位知名摄影师给他前女友拍摄的裸照保留了十多年了，希望它们能升值。45岁的杰姬·格雷(Jackie Gray)是伊利诺伊州阿灵顿高地一家咨询公司的部门主管。她保留了前夫送她的、一位崭露头角的画家的画，尽管她讨厌这幅画。她说，谁知道呢，说不定有一天我女儿上大学时，这画能帮她缴一学期的学费。 　　--The object looks good in your house -- and your ex wants it back. More than a decade ago, Robert Pillitteri's then-girlfriend gave him an antique print of Italy's Mt. Etna. Then she changed her mind, asked for it back and offered up a print of a Chinese water wheel instead. 　　--东西放在你房子里看起来不错，而且你的前男（女）友想把东西要回去。十多年前，罗伯特·皮列特里(Robert Pillitteri)的女友送了一幅意大利埃特纳火山的古董画给他。之后她后悔了，想把画要回去，并且给了他一幅中国水车的画想把古董换回去。 　　Mr. Pillitteri, 61, an investor and actor in Seattle, now has both hanging in his den. 'The artistic value of the first piece grew significantly for me as the entreaties to return it continued,' he says. 　　61岁的皮列特里是西雅图的一位投资者和演员。如今，他把两幅画都挂在了家里。他说，她不断要求拿回第一幅画，对我来说这幅画的艺术价值随之大增。 　　--You just want it. That's why Jen Campsey, 40, a human-resources consultant in San Francisco, has kept the 'Rock Band' videogame her ex-boyfriend gave her for Christmas one year, even though he took the Xbox with him. 'I loved playing it,' she says. 'And how hard is it to find another guy with an Xbox?' 　　--你就是想要那件东西。正因为如此，詹·坎姆普斯(Jen Campsey)留下了某年圣诞节前男友送的摇滚乐团(Rock Band)游戏盘，尽管他把Xbox游戏机拿走了。40岁的坎姆普斯是旧金山的一名人力资源顾问。她说，我曾经很喜欢玩这款游戏，要再找一个有Xbox游戏机的男人多难呀？ 　　--It makes you feel better. When Angela Mancinelli's husband left her after 25 years, she says, she kept the two toy pig statues that her Korean mother-in-law gave the couple for good luck while they were married. One, dressed as a doctor, was meant to represent her husband; the other, dressed as a nurse, represents Ms. Mancinelli, 51, who lives in Hershey, Pa. 　　--这让你感觉好些。当安吉拉·曼奇内里(Angela Mancinelli)的丈夫在婚后25年离开她的时候，她说，她留下了韩国婆婆以前送他们的两个祝好运的玩具猪雕塑。一个穿着医生的衣服，代表的是她丈夫，另外一个穿护士服的代表的是她。曼奇内里现在51岁，住在宾夕法尼亚州。 　　'The doctor doll is now a functional pin cushion,' she says. 　　她说，现在，这个穿医生装的玩具猪被用来当针垫了。